Wingdings? They spew the most random shit all the time. It makes no god damn sense. You feel bad, but they seem to be doing it on purpose and are well-aware they spew nonsense. They're probably a troll.
Webdings is their younger brother, who acts the same way. He talks to more people, but Wingdings is better known.
Courier New is an 90 year old who used to work on the ENIAC. In their basement is the entirety of the fortran interperer in punched card form
Source Code Pro: that one person you absolutely hate on social media, like, you think they're just a complete dickhead and have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, yet for some reason everyone you know follows them and retweets/boosts/reposts/etc. their stuff. You wish they would go somewhere else, but you NEVER say this out loud because it would be instant social death. Source Code Pro is the kind of person who acts like they're top shit but they ain't shit.
DejaVu Sans: that really crappy guy at work that insists on hanging out with you but you really can't stand, but for political reasons you have to tolerate. He has read the entire employee's manual front to back. He is the man who does his own taxes.
Hmm what others...
Calibri is your 13 year old niece who is on the A/B honour roll despite the fact she hasn't done homework in five years. She's the girl who seems to just hang with the rich kids despite being of modest means.
OH NO! CARMEN SANDIEGO HAS STOLEN your mojo!
Times New Roman is Henry Kissinger
Helvetica as a human is a 60 year old unmarried Swiss German man with a suit he never takes off and yet is always in impeccable and spotless shape. He carries a briefcase around filled with business papers and wears a Rolex. He can't be intimidated.
He's also eternally 60. No one knows why.
If Comic Sans were a human it would be Carrot Top basically
Warning: mildly intoxicated, that cidre was a bit more higher point than I would have liked.
If Papyrus were a human it would be Richard Simmons except he does reiki.
I'm being followed by my favourite font.
Never Gonna Give You Up btw
is 30 years old this year.