@Elizafox it's tempting but also like

@shel was once convicted for indecent exposure and lewd proposition to a petunia. She received 5 years of probation and is not allowed to have contact with any dicot plants.

@lewislepton was once seen making a lewd proposal to an office chair at the workplace, and caused a new addition to the code of conduct at the office against making any sort of proposition to the furniture.

@grainloom was once seen by my agents pouring a cup of coffee onto their body, and making noises of a sexual nature. When confronted, they only said, "I really like coffee ok."

@KaPOWitsCHRIS was once caught making an indecent proposition to a skyscraper, continuously calling it his "babe" and saying "THEY WILL NEVER KEEP US APART THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE TOGETHER" as security escorted him away from the property. He was instructed by police to avoid the building thereafter.

@AmbassadorBot was once seen making obscene sexual gestures at passers-by on the street and continuously saying, "want to experience new technology if you know what I mean?" in a monotone voice.

@sev@witches.town was witnessed by security at a local shop proposing marriage and various other lewd propositions with a vase. She was escorted out by police, and had only to say "I really LOVED that vase" in defense, repeatedly.

@Gogogadgetpants was seen dancing in the street, sans pants, shouting "GO GO GADGET PANTS." When asked why she was not wearing pants by police, she responded "the pants gadget malfunctioned." She was given a citation for public indecency and sent home.

@CobaltVelvet was seen romancing a sierpinski triangle sculpture in her house by my agents. She has offered no explanation other than "you can't understand fractal love, it's love all the way down"

@1 was once escorted from a university campus for making indecent proposals to the suit of the school mascot, claiming in defense, "our love is special and eternal."

@luluberlu@witches.town was once seen holding a romance with a yield sign in the city of Denver, stating "I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign" in defense, and further said "I cant yield for love."

@cadey was seen fornicating an ear of corn by my agents. When confronted, she replied in defense in an email, "💯👌🆒🌽❤️"

@er1n was witnessed by my agents doing unspeakable things to a PDP-10, who was discovered to be her legal common law wife. She offered no defense in this aside from "what I do with my wife is noboyt's business."

@Succubunbun was once warned by police for making lewd shadow puppets depicting sexual acts at a porn theatre, then refusing to leave and making obscene gestures at the proprietor.

@colon_three was cautioned by police after attempting to reprogram a billboard to produce lewd imagery, and attempt to use said imagery to romance a fire truck they "really fancied."

@KitRedgrave was arrested for breaching the peace and disorderly conduct by the Texas Rangers for making lewd proposals at highway 44, and attempting to romance the entire state of Oklahoma by making sexual gestures at the border

@bedtimedrillsgt was warned by New Mexico state police after an undercover operation revealed a conspiracy to perform sexual acts on various bridges in the state. Charges were withheld provided an immediate withdrawal from the state.

@pupper was arraigned recently for a federal conspiracy to perform lewd acts on a barstool located in a district courthouse. A statement was issued by the public defender, "romance with furniture is not a crime, and we are confident love will win"

@LottieVixen@mastodon.social was seen grinding against a prototype mascot at a marketing convention, and exclaimed that "this fursuit makes me HORNY." She was escorted from the premises.

@MightyBigCar once claimed in a deposition that they participated in a large gangbang involving Picasso's sculpture in Chicago, then concealed the evidence by bribing an official to erase CCTV tapes. In defense, they stated, "it looked REAL FINE"

@memnus was seen by my agents attempting to obtain sexual favours from a VCR playing Chronicles of Riddick, while screaming "I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD."

@Admin was seen attempting to dominate a traffic control device in the Chicago Loop by Chicago Police. He was fined $1500 and had a whip, chain, leather suit for the device, and rope confiscated in civil forfeiture.

@barry_nsfw was witnessed attempting to use a telephone pole as a sexual implement by Kansas City police, and cited for public indecency and ordered to attend counselling.

@ElectricMink was caught vandalising a building with a sexual organ, then attempting to perform lewd acts with the depiction. She was sentenced to 3 years community service and an anti-graffiti class.